Sound like an oxymoron? It's not. It's my life and I'm very happy to share it with you. I was always one of the "popular" kids growing up, liked by many. I had no enemies and I was friendly with everyone I came in contact with. I was valedictorian of my high school, captain of my sports team, and president of many academic endeavors. I was voted onto the court as a candidate for prom queen in high school. I was up there with 5 of my best friends. I am still to this day shocked that I won, because I thought I was up there as some sort of mean joke or mix up in the voting. After that day I had people I didn't even know coming up to me and telling me they voted for me because I was the only one of my best friends that wasn't vain or bitchy (haha, in retrospect that is all too true). So it seemed that I fit in well with any crowd I decided to hang with, but I always felt different from everyone else and somehow alienated.
It started in middle school, about the time everyone's hormones go bat shit crazy. All of my best friends were obsessing over all the cute boys, so I went along with it. Peer pressure is a powerful thing, so I would convince myself I had a crush on a certain boy or another. I found it hard to reconcile the things I was saying to my friends ("Oh, Scott is so cute! I would love to make out with him!") to the things that were actually going on in my head. "Normal" popular teenage girls don't daydream about which of their friends they would kiss if they had to kiss a girl... They don't think about Angelina Jolie before they go to bed at night either.
The pressure that my friends were unknowingly placing upon me seemed like nothing, because I really didn't know what was going on. There are no gay people in the town I lived in growing up. And if there were any, they sure weren't out about it. It just wasn't an option for me at the time (ha... like I really had an option to "choose" my sexuality). Overall, I was very confused and felt nearly all the time that I just didn't quite fit in with my friends.
If that wasn't hard enough, reconciling my "feelings" with my religion was just out of the question. I grew up going to a Baptist church, and both of my parents are strong believers. I felt like every time I had a thought about a woman I was betraying God. That's a lot of pressure for a teenage girl to have. So, naturally, I repressed all of my feelings and became insanely homophobic. What else was I supposed to do? I dated a lot and became somewhat of a "serial dater." I would date a guy for a week and then discard him because I was bored. I didn't date ugly guys either. All sexy, jacked, and tan (in Snookie speak). What was wrong with me that I just couldn't stay interested in these great guys!?
Oh yeah... I was GAY! Finally in college the lightbulb hit me. It took me actually catching myself saying out loud, "Damn, that girl is hot." My mouth hit the ground in disbelief of what I had just said. Once I accepted to myself that I was attracted to women I did a little soul searching and learned a lot about who I really was. I was not the same girl that society had packaged into a box; I was my own unique individual with likes and attractions to things that maybe my best friends didn't like, but that was ok!
I don't really talk to the people I went to high school with anymore. I am open about my sexuality, which was definitely a shock to everyone in my town. I think I was the last person they expected to be gay. It's not that they have ostracized me, but more so that I have moved on from their narrow mindset. I know that some of them are supportive of my life style and some are not. Either way, I do not need their approval to live my life and be happy. I have an amazing group of friends now who love me for who I am. I did eventually come out to my parents, who took it pretty hard. They love me very much and are trying their best to deal with it. I give them a lot of credit and I think they are amazing. I am in a 3 year relationship with the most beautiful, amazing girl ever and someday we hope to get married. My parents actually really like my girlfriend and they are very sweet to her, although they don't exactly approve of our relationship. I am also in graduate school and being successful in my research.
I would also like to say that, although I lost my faith for awhile while trying to figure everything out, I have regained a relationship with God that is stronger than before. I realized that it was the radical religious people judging me, not my own God. He made me just the way that I am and He loves me and has blessed me in so many ways. It is so sad when I see people who condemn homosexuals in the name of God, when they clearly have it all ass backwards. They should be promoting love and acceptance, which is the entire theme of the Bible. It's unfair to take a few verses that were mistranslated and take them out of context. The Bible is in no way a weapon. I am not attempting to push my faith onto anyone, but if you're interested in my take on things, I believe that religion and faith are two completely separate things that are often confused. I do not affiliate with a religion, because I think that religion can also be used to condemn others. I do have faith and it is growing all the time. If by chance you happen to be in the same boat I was, where you could not reconcile your faith with your sexuality, I hope you take these words to heart because God is not condemning you. Love is all that matters in this world and loving someone is certainly not a sin. Sorry if that sounded preachy but I think a lot of people are angry at God because of mistakes that man has made. It's important to clarify that you shouldn't blame God for the ignorance of humans. Ok, just one last rant. Just like you don't want Christians judging you because you are gay, don't judge others just because they are Christian. Not all Christians want to condemn you.
On a completely different and final note, I think I might write a book someday. I have so many hilarious stories to share about my self discovery and coming out. Unfortunately, I think this blog is getting a little too long to tell them all :) I would be happy if my story helps at least one person be more comfortable with who they are. Good luck to everyone on their own journey in life. <3>
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
A Gay in the Life of a Blogger
Who I am and why I'm doing this.
Two weeks ago I posted my first blog entry, a request for readers to submit their personal reflections on what it’s like to be gay (or lesbian or bi or trans or questioning) and on whether there’s anything else they use to define themselves besides their sexual orientation. Despite my efforts to promote the Gay in the Life Project on Facebook and Twitter, I haven’t received any submissions. But I haven’t given up, since despite the lack of submissions, I do have one story to post, and that’s my own. I hope more will follow.
As a college student at a liberal New England university, I’ve been told over and over to find my voice, to express myself, and to make a difference in the world. For someone who arrived freshman year still in the closet, this was easier said than done. But my story is not a coming out story. I mean, I did come out soon after getting to college, and that was significant in itself, but it’s what followed coming out that was the best part: being able to speak openly, finding that voice I’d heard so much about.
I don’t know if it’s this way for everyone before they come out, but being in the closet made me feel like I was between two places, but not really in either one. I felt isolated from my family and my friends, gay and straight, because of that lack of honesty, and I felt like I was missing out on the things that out gays got to do that I couldn’t, or wouldn’t let myself.
So when I came out, it was like I finally got where I was supposed to be. I could be honest and frank about who I was with all my loved ones, and I got the opportunity to make a host of new friends on new terms. That to me was the best result of coming out: the sense of belonging to a new community, being a part of its heritage, pride, and even struggles. I’d obsessed over being gay long enough, but now I could exert that energy more positively since I was part of something bigger. How fortunate that I came out in college, where there is no shortage of opportunities to get involved with service and activism.
And if college is a great place to be gay, then the new millennium is a great time to be gay. I know today’s world is pretty crazy and that it seems pretty bleak with the economy tanking, the ozone layer shrinking, and a bunch of people with bombs trying to beat each other to the punch, but for some reason all the talk about the Good Old Days when America was on top and everybody had a job just doesn’t jive with me. After all, those were also the days in which separating your colors from your whites was more than just good laundry advice. Back then, homosexuality was barely talked about except as a joke, and gays themselves were forced to lives of fear and depression in their closets.
Today, you can do things like join a gay social network or talk openly about your feelings. Hell, you can even start a gay blog for crying out loud! But for all this openness, there’s still a great deal to be done, and I’m not just talking politically. The stereotypes and prejudices are still out there, but the more we examine them the better we can resolve them. Furthermore, the taboos surrounding LGBTQ issues still mean you can’t always express yourself as openly as you’d like, or that you’re still painted in a certain way that you might not agree with.
These are all things that I honestly feel about the LGBTQ community in our time, and that’s what led me to start this blog. Let’s share our stories as LGBTQ people and put human faces to the labels. If people fixate on your being gay, tell us who else you are. Or maybe you can’t always express your orientation as you’d like to. In that case, tell us what it’s like to be in that situation and how being gay affects you. Be honest, be frank, be you. I feel that we only stand to gain from this. In addition to showing the world who we are, we may discover things about ourselves by reading the stories of others and hearing what they have to say about ours. Each one of us has a story worth sharing, so let’s begin today.
If you would like to participate in the Gay in the Life Project, email your to gay.in.the.life@gmail.com, along with your fist name or pen name, age, location, and/or any other information that you’d like posted to introduce yourself. Include a title that begins, "A Gay (Lesbian, Bi, Trans, Questioning) in the Life of..." All contact information will remain private and confidential.
Two weeks ago I posted my first blog entry, a request for readers to submit their personal reflections on what it’s like to be gay (or lesbian or bi or trans or questioning) and on whether there’s anything else they use to define themselves besides their sexual orientation. Despite my efforts to promote the Gay in the Life Project on Facebook and Twitter, I haven’t received any submissions. But I haven’t given up, since despite the lack of submissions, I do have one story to post, and that’s my own. I hope more will follow.
As a college student at a liberal New England university, I’ve been told over and over to find my voice, to express myself, and to make a difference in the world. For someone who arrived freshman year still in the closet, this was easier said than done. But my story is not a coming out story. I mean, I did come out soon after getting to college, and that was significant in itself, but it’s what followed coming out that was the best part: being able to speak openly, finding that voice I’d heard so much about.
I don’t know if it’s this way for everyone before they come out, but being in the closet made me feel like I was between two places, but not really in either one. I felt isolated from my family and my friends, gay and straight, because of that lack of honesty, and I felt like I was missing out on the things that out gays got to do that I couldn’t, or wouldn’t let myself.
So when I came out, it was like I finally got where I was supposed to be. I could be honest and frank about who I was with all my loved ones, and I got the opportunity to make a host of new friends on new terms. That to me was the best result of coming out: the sense of belonging to a new community, being a part of its heritage, pride, and even struggles. I’d obsessed over being gay long enough, but now I could exert that energy more positively since I was part of something bigger. How fortunate that I came out in college, where there is no shortage of opportunities to get involved with service and activism.
And if college is a great place to be gay, then the new millennium is a great time to be gay. I know today’s world is pretty crazy and that it seems pretty bleak with the economy tanking, the ozone layer shrinking, and a bunch of people with bombs trying to beat each other to the punch, but for some reason all the talk about the Good Old Days when America was on top and everybody had a job just doesn’t jive with me. After all, those were also the days in which separating your colors from your whites was more than just good laundry advice. Back then, homosexuality was barely talked about except as a joke, and gays themselves were forced to lives of fear and depression in their closets.
Today, you can do things like join a gay social network or talk openly about your feelings. Hell, you can even start a gay blog for crying out loud! But for all this openness, there’s still a great deal to be done, and I’m not just talking politically. The stereotypes and prejudices are still out there, but the more we examine them the better we can resolve them. Furthermore, the taboos surrounding LGBTQ issues still mean you can’t always express yourself as openly as you’d like, or that you’re still painted in a certain way that you might not agree with.
These are all things that I honestly feel about the LGBTQ community in our time, and that’s what led me to start this blog. Let’s share our stories as LGBTQ people and put human faces to the labels. If people fixate on your being gay, tell us who else you are. Or maybe you can’t always express your orientation as you’d like to. In that case, tell us what it’s like to be in that situation and how being gay affects you. Be honest, be frank, be you. I feel that we only stand to gain from this. In addition to showing the world who we are, we may discover things about ourselves by reading the stories of others and hearing what they have to say about ours. Each one of us has a story worth sharing, so let’s begin today.
If you would like to participate in the Gay in the Life Project, email your to gay.in.the.life@gmail.com, along with your fist name or pen name, age, location, and/or any other information that you’d like posted to introduce yourself. Include a title that begins, "A Gay (Lesbian, Bi, Trans, Questioning) in the Life of..." All contact information will remain private and confidential.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Welcome to the Gay in the Life Project
As a gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, or questioning person, do you ever feel that those around you get hung up on the stereotypes surrounding your social group and miss all of the other unique qualities that make you who you are? You’re not alone.
Or maybe you feel that people tend to ignore that part of your life, perhaps because it makes them uncomfortable, and to undermine how important it is to you and how it has shaped you. Again, you’re not the only one.
I know that many members of the LGBTQ community feel this way, and I’m fascinated by the way that society at large can look at us and either fixate on our sexuality or ignore it completely. Either way, they miss out on huge parts of who we are as individuals, without giving us a chance to decide how we want to be seen and to express what we consider important about ourselves. Well here, you can.
I invite you to participate in the Gay in the Life Project, a new forum where LGBTQ individuals can share what makes their experience in society unique. You can be one of the first to take part by emailing me your story as a gay (or lesbian or bisexual or transgendered or questioning) person in the world. I’ll post stories I receive on this blog, created solely for the purpose of sharing them, so that readers can get a glimpse of how being gay affects your daily life in any of the roles that you play.
Gay in the Life of a Football Captain? Lesbian in the Life of a Head Cheerleader? Bisexual in the Life of a Single Parent? Tansperson in the Life of a Teacher? Questioning in the Life of a Husband?
Or maybe it’s more abstract: Gay in the Life of a Computer Nerd? A Hopeless Romantic? A Rural Nebraskan?
Whatever your story is, it’s worth sharing. Maybe being gay has given you a totally unique take on the world, and that’s valuable in itself. But more likely, you’re not the only one who’s had this kind of experience. Others share the same worries and frustrations. Maybe your story will give them hope, or maybe they can offer you the comfort and support you need. What have you got to lose?
So email me your story now at gay.in.the.life@gmail.com. Give it a title like the ones above, and include your first name or the name you wish to be posted under, your age, location, and anything else you’d like me to include by way of introduction. Identities and contact information will be totally confidential. Your stories can be as long or as short as you need them to be. Just say what you need to say! My goal is to collect stories and begin posting them by late May or early June, so stay tuned and thank you for helping to get this exciting project off the ground!
Or maybe you feel that people tend to ignore that part of your life, perhaps because it makes them uncomfortable, and to undermine how important it is to you and how it has shaped you. Again, you’re not the only one.
I know that many members of the LGBTQ community feel this way, and I’m fascinated by the way that society at large can look at us and either fixate on our sexuality or ignore it completely. Either way, they miss out on huge parts of who we are as individuals, without giving us a chance to decide how we want to be seen and to express what we consider important about ourselves. Well here, you can.
I invite you to participate in the Gay in the Life Project, a new forum where LGBTQ individuals can share what makes their experience in society unique. You can be one of the first to take part by emailing me your story as a gay (or lesbian or bisexual or transgendered or questioning) person in the world. I’ll post stories I receive on this blog, created solely for the purpose of sharing them, so that readers can get a glimpse of how being gay affects your daily life in any of the roles that you play.
Gay in the Life of a Football Captain? Lesbian in the Life of a Head Cheerleader? Bisexual in the Life of a Single Parent? Tansperson in the Life of a Teacher? Questioning in the Life of a Husband?
Or maybe it’s more abstract: Gay in the Life of a Computer Nerd? A Hopeless Romantic? A Rural Nebraskan?
Whatever your story is, it’s worth sharing. Maybe being gay has given you a totally unique take on the world, and that’s valuable in itself. But more likely, you’re not the only one who’s had this kind of experience. Others share the same worries and frustrations. Maybe your story will give them hope, or maybe they can offer you the comfort and support you need. What have you got to lose?
So email me your story now at gay.in.the.life@gmail.com. Give it a title like the ones above, and include your first name or the name you wish to be posted under, your age, location, and anything else you’d like me to include by way of introduction. Identities and contact information will be totally confidential. Your stories can be as long or as short as you need them to be. Just say what you need to say! My goal is to collect stories and begin posting them by late May or early June, so stay tuned and thank you for helping to get this exciting project off the ground!
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