A Gay in the Life of a Gay, Frustrated with the Gays

I really enjoyed reading this next post from Greg in Boston. Greg has some very insightful opinions to offer on the LGBTQ community.

Name: Greg
Age: 21
Location: Boston, MA
BU '11

My name is Greg. I’m an undergrad at BU. I love chemistry and hope to do research in the field for the rest of my life. I’m applying for grad schools with the hope of getting into an organic chemistry program. I’ve learned a lot in college, but what inspires me to write today is not about what lessons I’ve learned, but is instead about what lesson so many of us have forgotten: Be yourself.

I understand that it can be quite difficult to deal with life as a homosexual in a mainly heterosexual society. When in the closet, we feel constantly tormented by the fact that we can never completely live up to the expectations society has for us. We are all molded with the idea, even at times indirectly, that homosexuality is something lowly, something we do not want to be. Even when we feel we can accept others who may identify with homosexuality, it takes a rather massive leap (or, at least it did for me) to accept ourselves in the same way.

Once we do come out of the closet, it is a rebellion against the constraints forced upon us our entire lives. This liberation allows us to finally be whoever we want to be. We can accept ourselves for who we really are.

However, after this epiphany, many tend to deny the beautiful opportunity that this act presents to us. Instead of accepting our freedom, all too often people will place themselves into another set of predetermined characteristics, into another closet, hiding behind the stereotypes with which a heteronormative society has branded us. We walk from one dark room into another, never letting the world see who we really are. Sure, some of us may naturally have some of the qualities that fit into the hetero view of homosexuality; however, it seems we either conform to the rest of the set or make hyperbole of the ones we have.

Of course, then another issue at the other end of the spectrum arises. I have more than once heard from many, including numerous other people in the glbtq category, that we must hold back, calm down, fall closer to the norm, in order to be accepted by society and gain equal standing, equal rights. I find this to be disappointing, not only because the idea itself is horrifying, but because it so often comes from homosexuals themselves. Here we have the same problem as before, but just in a different light: instead of trying to fit in with a heterosexual view of homosexuality, we try to fit back into heterosexual society altogether.

In both cases, we conform to the major views of society; each of us becomes someone we’re not. We’re treating ourselves like we’re simply pets of our country. It’s like we think that if we’re “well behaved” enough, we’ll get rights just like the rest of the people.

If, to get rights, I can’t be myself, then I’m not actually getting rights at all.

So, maybe we'll all come closer to acceptance, and to peace, if we really come out of hiding, express the way we feel, and show the world that we're actually just like everyone else: we're human.

Thanks! If anyone else would like to participate in the Gay in the Life Project, email your story to gay.in.the.life@gmail.com, along with your fist name or pen name, age, location, and/or any other information that you’d like posted to introduce yourself. All contact information will remain private and confidential.