Sometimes I wish I had “I swear, I like girls!” tattooed on my forehead. Maybe then I would actually get asked out by a girl. Even when I go out to a gay bar or club the girls there assume I’m straight. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve had to tell a fellow lesbian that I play for their team over a few drinks. I guess that has something to do with the fact that I usually go out with my two straight best friends, and the three of us look like a small crew of girls that decided to go dancing without having to deal with disrespectful guys. Or perhaps that we’ve left our boyfriends at home and are having a girls night. Either way, they’re straight but I’m not!
I didn’t always have this problem you see, it started after I graduated high school. I grew up in a very small, conservative town so I stayed deep inside the closet and had boyfriends all throughout high school (However, I wasn’t that great at faking straight because I’m still a gold star lesbian). After I graduated, though, with the support of one of my amazing best friends I came out and in the long run it made me MUCH happier with myself and with life in general.
With my new found happiness came a new found drive to take pride in my appearance and I upgraded my wardrobe with brighter colors, low cut tops, skirts, dresses, etc. It’s not that I didn’t care what I looked like before I came out, it’s just that I didn’t take the extra time to look ‘cute’ and/or ‘sexy’. When I was in the closet I was incredibly depressed and self-loathing and I pretty much just threw on a t-shirt and jeans and called it good. Now, on the other hand, I love rifling through my closet and trying on several different things until I find the perfect outfit for the moment. I guess the best way to describe it is when I came out after graduating high school, I found myself in more ways than one.
In a way it’s a curse and a blessing really, being gay but “looking” straight. It’s a blessing because I love meeting new people and challenging their views on what they expect a lesbian to look like. Usually when I tell them I’m gay they don’t believe me at first, but after they think about it for a few moments they laugh and say it makes sense. And usually then they’ll start asking me all of these questions about what it’s like to be gay, how I knew, what’s my type, and the list just goes on. I love having that conversation with people, because I feel like it’s something small I can do to help change people’s negative views towards homosexuality. I can show them that I’m no different than they are; I’m just a person trying to find love.
It’s a curse, however, because it’s hard for me to date girls. My first relationship with a girl lasted years, about 5 on and off (you know how it goes). The off parts being no longer than a month or two. Since then, I’ve dated one girl and it wasn’t for very long. That was partially due to obvious reasons, but it was also because between the two of them I had only been asked out by guys.
Throughout college I participated in a few of the LGBT events on campus, and I’ve even made a few friends with some of the people that work for the center at the university I attended. I never felt like I fit in completely though, because although I know what it feels like to be in a minority, I know it in a different way. I know that I’m gay, but it isn’t so obvious to others and therefore people project heterosexuality on me and treat me like I’m one of the majority. It’s a weird place to be in.
Now that I’m a college graduate and in that limbo stage between undergraduate and graduate studies I feel like my “straight” lesbianism is at its peak. It’s pride month and I’ve been wearing a rainbow bracelet on my wrist when I go out to gay and straight bars alike. The guys are still on the prowl buying me drinks and asking me when I’m free. Where are my ladies at? I'm afraid of needles and would rather not get that ink on my forehead.
- Not straight from California
If you would like to participate in the Gay in the Life Project, email your story (about 1000 words) to gay.in.the.life@gmail.com, along with your fist name or pen name, age, location, and/or any other information that you’d like posted to introduce yourself. Include a title that begins, "A Gay (Lesbian, Bi, Trans, Questioning) in the Life of..." All contact information will remain private and confidential.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
A Gay in the Life of a High School Student
It all started when I was very young… in the 4th/ 5th grade. I gradually came to realize that I had a crush on my best friend. I clearly remember it was this early because we weren’t friends when I moved on to middle school, and he asked me which girls I’ve had crushes on. I lied and told him a few names, while in my head I was thinking, “But I’m attracted to you”.
When I went on to middle school I was struggling with the idea of coming out to my parents eventually… it wasn’t constantly on my mind, but when it was, I was in fear. I lived in a New England town that was very accepting, although we have a Republican majority, but I still constantly asked the question “What if my mom was disappointed in me (I was raised by just my mom)?”, “What if I’m made fun of at school?”, “What will my friends think?”. Eventually I came out to this kid by mistake, quite randomly. I then subsequently came out to a few others, who were really accepting. And that was the first step in the process of coming out.
After this, I decided to tell my mom. It took a lot of courage, and I even roamed the internet for a long time researching different coming out stories. When I finally had the courage, I took my mom aside in her bedroom, closed the door, and confessed it too her. She was extremely supportive, which I realize is lucky, and I’m thankful for her.
The next step was telling my step-dad, which was easy for me since I had such huge support from my mom. . I had told some of my friends by now, and after a conversation with my best friend at the time, I came out on Facebook to everyone. The response was overwhelmingly positive. Even a self-defined ultra-conservative Roman Catholic student was somewhat accepting. Although he (and his brother) expressed their belief that homosexuality was a choice and a sin, they did not bother me about it and I even occasionally talked with them. In a separate incident much later, another religious conservative expressed his belief that although he disagrees with me being a homosexual, that shouldn't impact our friendship and that Christianity was about accepting others even if you think they are sinful.
Now I’m still in high school, and all of my friends know I’m gay, and none of them have a real problem with it. Yeah, I tend to be extroverted and sometimes straight guys misinterpret me as being attracted to them, but it hasn’t been a lasting issue with any of them.
There was one case where I became attracted to a friend of mine. I took things a little too far, perhaps became a little too flirtatious, but as a result I have established new limits and hold myself to them. He was even really accepting, although he was conservative and does believe homosexuality is a sin. I had a phone conversation about it with him, where we established that we’d keep the distance. Unfortunately, I have probably lost a friend in that area, and although we are on talking terms, he’s expressed his discomfort with hanging out outside of school, and we don’t talk as much anymore. I think that’s a shame, since I thought he was one of the nicest and sincere people I’ve ever met. He adheres to his faith, and is accepting of others even if he disapproves of them, and even though I’m an atheist I respect him a lot.
I have met a few bisexual people and a couple gay/lesbian in my time in high school and elsewhere, and although most of them aren’t interesting to me as friends (there are only about 9 people out in my school besides me, and it seems many of them are full of themselves), I have made good friendships with a couple of them.
I know I’m lucky, but if I had a message for any one still in grade school or high school who is LGBT, I would say to learn to accept yourself for who you are, not only you being LGBT, but also all your flaws and strengths, because THAT is what makes you UNIQUE. Also, it is good to come to terms with yourself and come out to the people you care about, but keep in mind that it is your choice when to come out. Being LGBT is not what defines you… it’s just one part of yourself, and in fact it only defines who you are attracted to or what gender you identify yourself as. As such, don’t feel pressured to tell just everyone. And no that no matter what adversity you face, you are NOT ALONE. There will always be supportive people down the road, who will accept you for who you are.
If you would like to participate in the Gay in the Life Project, email your story (about 1000 words) to gay.in.the.life@gmail.com, along with your fist name or pen name, age, location, and/or any other information that you’d like posted to introduce yourself. Include a title that begins, "A Gay (Lesbian, Bi, Trans, Questioning) in the Life of..." All contact information will remain private and confidential.
When I went on to middle school I was struggling with the idea of coming out to my parents eventually… it wasn’t constantly on my mind, but when it was, I was in fear. I lived in a New England town that was very accepting, although we have a Republican majority, but I still constantly asked the question “What if my mom was disappointed in me (I was raised by just my mom)?”, “What if I’m made fun of at school?”, “What will my friends think?”. Eventually I came out to this kid by mistake, quite randomly. I then subsequently came out to a few others, who were really accepting. And that was the first step in the process of coming out.
After this, I decided to tell my mom. It took a lot of courage, and I even roamed the internet for a long time researching different coming out stories. When I finally had the courage, I took my mom aside in her bedroom, closed the door, and confessed it too her. She was extremely supportive, which I realize is lucky, and I’m thankful for her.
The next step was telling my step-dad, which was easy for me since I had such huge support from my mom. . I had told some of my friends by now, and after a conversation with my best friend at the time, I came out on Facebook to everyone. The response was overwhelmingly positive. Even a self-defined ultra-conservative Roman Catholic student was somewhat accepting. Although he (and his brother) expressed their belief that homosexuality was a choice and a sin, they did not bother me about it and I even occasionally talked with them. In a separate incident much later, another religious conservative expressed his belief that although he disagrees with me being a homosexual, that shouldn't impact our friendship and that Christianity was about accepting others even if you think they are sinful.
Now I’m still in high school, and all of my friends know I’m gay, and none of them have a real problem with it. Yeah, I tend to be extroverted and sometimes straight guys misinterpret me as being attracted to them, but it hasn’t been a lasting issue with any of them.
There was one case where I became attracted to a friend of mine. I took things a little too far, perhaps became a little too flirtatious, but as a result I have established new limits and hold myself to them. He was even really accepting, although he was conservative and does believe homosexuality is a sin. I had a phone conversation about it with him, where we established that we’d keep the distance. Unfortunately, I have probably lost a friend in that area, and although we are on talking terms, he’s expressed his discomfort with hanging out outside of school, and we don’t talk as much anymore. I think that’s a shame, since I thought he was one of the nicest and sincere people I’ve ever met. He adheres to his faith, and is accepting of others even if he disapproves of them, and even though I’m an atheist I respect him a lot.
I have met a few bisexual people and a couple gay/lesbian in my time in high school and elsewhere, and although most of them aren’t interesting to me as friends (there are only about 9 people out in my school besides me, and it seems many of them are full of themselves), I have made good friendships with a couple of them.
I know I’m lucky, but if I had a message for any one still in grade school or high school who is LGBT, I would say to learn to accept yourself for who you are, not only you being LGBT, but also all your flaws and strengths, because THAT is what makes you UNIQUE. Also, it is good to come to terms with yourself and come out to the people you care about, but keep in mind that it is your choice when to come out. Being LGBT is not what defines you… it’s just one part of yourself, and in fact it only defines who you are attracted to or what gender you identify yourself as. As such, don’t feel pressured to tell just everyone. And no that no matter what adversity you face, you are NOT ALONE. There will always be supportive people down the road, who will accept you for who you are.
If you would like to participate in the Gay in the Life Project, email your story (about 1000 words) to gay.in.the.life@gmail.com, along with your fist name or pen name, age, location, and/or any other information that you’d like posted to introduce yourself. Include a title that begins, "A Gay (Lesbian, Bi, Trans, Questioning) in the Life of..." All contact information will remain private and confidential.
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