It all started when I was very young… in the 4th/ 5th grade. I gradually came to realize that I had a crush on my best friend. I clearly remember it was this early because we weren’t friends when I moved on to middle school, and he asked me which girls I’ve had crushes on. I lied and told him a few names, while in my head I was thinking, “But I’m attracted to you”.
When I went on to middle school I was struggling with the idea of coming out to my parents eventually… it wasn’t constantly on my mind, but when it was, I was in fear. I lived in a New England town that was very accepting, although we have a Republican majority, but I still constantly asked the question “What if my mom was disappointed in me (I was raised by just my mom)?”, “What if I’m made fun of at school?”, “What will my friends think?”. Eventually I came out to this kid by mistake, quite randomly. I then subsequently came out to a few others, who were really accepting. And that was the first step in the process of coming out.
After this, I decided to tell my mom. It took a lot of courage, and I even roamed the internet for a long time researching different coming out stories. When I finally had the courage, I took my mom aside in her bedroom, closed the door, and confessed it too her. She was extremely supportive, which I realize is lucky, and I’m thankful for her.
The next step was telling my step-dad, which was easy for me since I had such huge support from my mom. . I had told some of my friends by now, and after a conversation with my best friend at the time, I came out on Facebook to everyone. The response was overwhelmingly positive. Even a self-defined ultra-conservative Roman Catholic student was somewhat accepting. Although he (and his brother) expressed their belief that homosexuality was a choice and a sin, they did not bother me about it and I even occasionally talked with them. In a separate incident much later, another religious conservative expressed his belief that although he disagrees with me being a homosexual, that shouldn't impact our friendship and that Christianity was about accepting others even if you think they are sinful.
Now I’m still in high school, and all of my friends know I’m gay, and none of them have a real problem with it. Yeah, I tend to be extroverted and sometimes straight guys misinterpret me as being attracted to them, but it hasn’t been a lasting issue with any of them.
There was one case where I became attracted to a friend of mine. I took things a little too far, perhaps became a little too flirtatious, but as a result I have established new limits and hold myself to them. He was even really accepting, although he was conservative and does believe homosexuality is a sin. I had a phone conversation about it with him, where we established that we’d keep the distance. Unfortunately, I have probably lost a friend in that area, and although we are on talking terms, he’s expressed his discomfort with hanging out outside of school, and we don’t talk as much anymore. I think that’s a shame, since I thought he was one of the nicest and sincere people I’ve ever met. He adheres to his faith, and is accepting of others even if he disapproves of them, and even though I’m an atheist I respect him a lot.
I have met a few bisexual people and a couple gay/lesbian in my time in high school and elsewhere, and although most of them aren’t interesting to me as friends (there are only about 9 people out in my school besides me, and it seems many of them are full of themselves), I have made good friendships with a couple of them.
I know I’m lucky, but if I had a message for any one still in grade school or high school who is LGBT, I would say to learn to accept yourself for who you are, not only you being LGBT, but also all your flaws and strengths, because THAT is what makes you UNIQUE. Also, it is good to come to terms with yourself and come out to the people you care about, but keep in mind that it is your choice when to come out. Being LGBT is not what defines you… it’s just one part of yourself, and in fact it only defines who you are attracted to or what gender you identify yourself as. As such, don’t feel pressured to tell just everyone. And no that no matter what adversity you face, you are NOT ALONE. There will always be supportive people down the road, who will accept you for who you are.
If you would like to participate in the Gay in the Life Project, email your story (about 1000 words) to gay.in.the.life@gmail.com, along with your fist name or pen name, age, location, and/or any other information that you’d like posted to introduce yourself. Include a title that begins, "A Gay (Lesbian, Bi, Trans, Questioning) in the Life of..." All contact information will remain private and confidential.
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